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Most of us have sex because it offers pleasure - although pleasure cannot always be guaranteed. But pleasure is not the only motive. The more we think about it, the more we realise we have sex for many different reasons. We do it because our hormones are active, because we want to please our partner, because we want to be loved or to express love; we do have sex to stave off loneliness or to feel alive, to boost our egos, to express anger, to assert dominance and so on. We may have sex for money (and don't forget that many men sell sex, as well as women), or out of pity, from jealousy, boredom, excitement. When we are old we have sex to feel young, and when we are young we have it to feel adult. We have sex because society tells us to – or we have sex because society tells us not to. And far too many of us have sex involuntarily, compelled by an older, stronger, richer or more dominant partner. Sex drives each of us in different ways. Some of us are obsessed by it, some treat it as routine, others have no interest in it at all. Many, perhaps most, of us are ignorant about it; we do not understand the biology of genitalia and reproductive systems, the way in which diseases are transmitted or pregnancy occurs. We are often unaware of our own motivations and we often rationalize our own and our partner’s behavior - “I do it because I love him” or “he does it because he loves me”. Sex is both heavy with and void of meaning. It is a mirror which reflects your and your partner’s minds. If you bring guilt, sex will torment you with guilt. If you bring love, sex will return it. If you bring violence, your partner will suffer and you will not be sated. Sex can be shallow. It can be deeply moving. It can bring nausea or ecstasy. Sex tells you – if you are willing to listen – who you are, what you want and who you can be. Above all sex allows you to give your partner the greatest of all gifts – joy.
6.4d Control yourselves! Against this reality of a complex psychosocial phenomenon comes the myth, propagated by religious leaders and repeated by the ignorant, that sex is simple and can be easily controlled. That we can decide when to be sexually aroused and that we can resist arousal when told to do so. The simple fact is that we cannot control our sexual desires. And the harder we try to push sex into a narrow little box, the more it fights back and wants out. That is why the preacher who shouts against sin is found in a motel bedroom with the sex worker and the drugs. It is why the senator who lives an unblemished family life picks up men in airport restrooms. If we fight against sex, we fight against ourselves - in doing so we will always make ourselves and others miserable and we will always lose... That does not mean that sex should be untrammeled and we can have any form of sex with anyone or anything in any place at any time. Sex needs rules, but the rules of sexual morality are no different from the morality that applies to any other human activity. Sexual acts should cause no harm. In Section 6 we will see how that rule applies to sex. Before then, however, let's consider religious attitudes to sex and sexuality. Next: Chapter Six: Section 5 God and sex
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If God existed, he would... admire the beauty of a universe that he did not create recognize that eternity is meaningless deny both heaven and hell disown all men and women who speak in his name denounce the harm caused by religious "morality" help the human race to thrive without him If God existed, he would be an atheist. What is the difference between science and faith? science is certain of nothing and requires proof of everything faith is certain of everything and requires proof of nothing Which do you trust? "I know there is no God" or "I believe there is no God" ??? Check the answer |
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