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6.5b Confusion and control We learn a lot from these snippets of information about God, religion and sex. Firstly, if God exists and the Bible or Quran reflect his thinking, it is clear that the deity has a very disordered mind. He appears incapable of stating in simple language the four simple rules that lie at the heart of his sexual morality: (i) no sex before or outside marriage* - which means no sex with anyone other than your spouse; (ii) marriage must involve at least one man and one woman; (iii) you can't marry a blood relative** or your parent's second spouse; (iv) if Christian, you can have one spouse; if Muslim, women can have one husband and men can have four wives.
God's inability to express himself clearly has been a boon to millions of theologians over the centuries. Thanks to them, we now have thousands of different interpretations of the scriptures, each reflecting both God's woolly thinking and the writer's particular prejudices regarding sex and marriage. (For example, conservative heterosexual theologians find the evidence in the Bible they need to prove that God is against gay marriage while liberal homosexual theologians find the evidence they need in the same text to prove the opposite. Isn't theology wonderful?) Secondly, in both the Bible and Quran all rules, sexual and otherwise, are directed only at men. Women are presumed unable to read, unworthy of education and unable to think. In God's opinion, women are always second class citizens subject to men's control. This is particularly true in the bedroom, where women's sexual behaviour is always controlled by men. (There are passages in the Quran - but not the Bible - which imply that women have sexual needs that should be fulfilled, but these are subservient to the general principle that it is men who decide when women's sexual needs are met.) 6.5c Less moral than they appear Religion lays claim to morality, but its claim is false. God's principle that women cannot determine their own sexual happiness is detrimental to women's physical and mental welfare. This is immoral. But what if we rewrite the scriptures to give women equal rights and look again at God's four rules? Do they meet our standards for morality? Not yet. Homosexuals who are denied the right to marry are denied the right to happiness. Maintaining polygamy only for men (as in the Old Testament and Quran) places women in a position of inferiority. Both rules are immoral. Marriage should be open to all and we should either allow women as many husbands as men can have wives or ban all polygamy.
If we can overcome the two obstacles of polygamy and same-sex marriage, we come to the heart of religious morality - incest is forbidden and sex is only acceptable if it occurs within marriage. Is that a valid moral principle? 6.5d Sex before marriage
A couple may wish to have sex without getting married. They do not know each other well enough to commit to a lifetime together. They are responsible enough to protect themselves against disease and, if relevant, unwanted pregnancy. They are sexually mature and sex will bring them happiness. In these conditions, to deny single adults the opportunity to have sex with each other - as religion does - is immoral.
6.5e Sex outside marriage But if one or both partners is married to a third person or if one partner is not the parent of the other's child or children, then warning bells may ring. That is because no action should harm a third person. If a man's wife knows and fully accepts that he has a mistress - and he has discussed the matter with both wife and mistress and is not falsely assuming his wife's consent - then sure, there is no problem if he and mistress get together. Ditto for the adulterous woman. But adultery is rarely as simple as that and humanist morality condemns any situation where a third party gets hurt. The same is true where children are involved. A parent's decision to seek a new sexual partner has implications far beyond the couple having sex. Children are not automatically harmed by their single / widowed / divorced parent having sex with a new sexual partner, but both adults should be aware of and avoid the possibility. Again, the principle stands that sex is immoral when third parties are hurt.
Biblical morality condemns all adultery; in the Quran it's ok if she's a slave. When it comes to specific cases of adultery, there will be many times when religion and humanism agree that it should not take place. There will also be cases where religious morality comes to the wrong conclusion, while humanist morality - "do no harm" - will invariably be right. 6.5f Beware the hypocrite Religious sexual morality is bad enough - it's merely rigid and confused. What's worse is the morality of religious leaders whose pronouncements on sexual behaviour condemn millions of believers across the world to a lifetime of unhappiness.
To be fair, the Catholic church is not unique. No religion understands sexuality. From lack of understanding comes fear, and from fear comes a need to control. Jewish, Christian and Muslim sexual morality is based not on the reality of desire but on millennia-old notions of inheritance, fertility and the subjugation of women. Through the blinkered eyes of religion sex has only one goal: to produce children within marriage. Only married couples who have produced children or are theoretically capable of doing so are allowed the privilege of intimacy. Most priests, rabbis and imams either do not practice sex or have limited experience of it. Failing to understand sex, they can only confront this basic human instinct with fear, dogma and ignorance. Willing and able to restrict their own sexuality and sexual experience – or willing and able to lie about it – religious leaders insist that others do as they say. Yet we are all different and the circumstances of our lives vary. What is simple for an elderly priest in Rome may be impossible for a young woman in Romania. You wish no more children? Too bad; procreate or deny yourselves intimacy. Your most intimate relations are with others of your own sex? Tough; spend a lifetime denying yourself and your partner(s) the deepest expression of love. You fear illness and death from HIV? Throw away that condom and allow yourself to be infected. A century ago in the short story In the Country of the Blind, H G Wells described a society where people who had lost their sight considered that those who could see were deranged and that their eyes were the source of their madness. Religious leaders, who deny or restrict their own sexuality, are equally deluded in thinking they understand others' sexual behaviour. Allowing priests to dictate the boundaries of sex is like appointing the illiterate as censors. Religion determines that sex is good not when it makes you and your partner happy but when society approves of it, and that sex is bad, not when it hurts you, but when society disapproves. Despite its claims to morality, the sexual values promoted by religion are false, hypocritical and immoral. Next: Chapter Six: Section 6 A broad spectrum 
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If God existed, he would... admire the beauty of a universe that he did not create recognize that eternity is meaningless deny both heaven and hell disown all men and women who speak in his name denounce the harm caused by religious "morality" help the human race to thrive without him If God existed, he would be an atheist. What is the difference between science and faith? science is certain of nothing and requires proof of everything faith is certain of everything and requires proof of nothing Which do you trust? "I know there is no God" or "I believe there is no God" ??? Check the answer 
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