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April 2008: This site is being renovated - apologies if some links do not work. To return to the active website, click here Column 15: How many virgins? Eternity would be Hell By © Martin Foreman Word Count: 796 words Publication date: May 15, 2005 Belief in God survives for several reasons. It unites communities, supposedly gives us morals – although in reality it perverts morality – and claims to explain the origins of our existence. Belief in God also promises us life after death. As conscious beings we are fully aware that we will die, and as conscious beings we are, not surprisingly, reluctant to do so. Faced with the prospect of extinction, most of us who are healthy, active and free would prefer to live as long as possible. Despite the efforts of scientists to postpone the process of aging and the idea of resuscitating frozen corpses at some point in the future, it appears certain that we are all going to die. While atheists consider that the end of their existence, Jews, Christians and Muslims (JCMs) look forward to eternal life. Buddhists, meanwhile, look forward to reincarnation – and if they’ve been particularly good they don’t get reincarnated at all. We’ll return to Buddhism later. Meanwhile, let’s look more closely at the options open to JCMs. Most will end up in either Heaven and Hell, although Catholics have added on a couple of waiting-rooms: Purgatory and Limbo. But while we can all agree that Hell would be distinctly unpleasant, the more we consider Heaven, the less attractive it becomes. One scenario is that the Saved have nothing to do but flap their wings and praise God. That suggests that even the most intelligent minds will shrivel to the extent that their only wish is to spend eternity worshipping the being that created them. Muslim martyrs appear to have a more attractive option – virgins. Authorities disagree on how many are awarded, but 72 per fallen hero is the usual number quoted. Unfortunately, the offer does not extend to women, homosexual men or heterosexual men who die in their beds. I used to think that if the celestial virgins retained their maidenhood throughout eternity, Heaven would be full of extremely frustrated young men. Then I read that five hundred years ago the Koranic scholar Al-Suyuti reassured the faithful both that the women’s maidenhood would be renewed before each sexual act and that the martyrs’ ability to deflower their companions would never weaken. In this version God does not demand eternal admiration, but the impression remains that he has little respect for the human intellect. Ultmately, endless sexual activity is likely to be as mind-numbing as the never-ending harp recitals that Christians can look forward to. Let us set aside these versions of Heaven and use our minds before they wither in eternity. Do we have bodies in the afterlife? How old are we? If it is the age at which we die, young children would never grow old. Or are we all the same age, so that bereaved parents who expect to meet infants find themselves confronted with adults that they never knew? And what happens after the family reunion? No matter how much we love our relatives, we are unlikely to want to spend eternity with them. Do we get time off? Where do we go? Is there a Heavenly version of Disneyland or the Smithsonian? The pleasures in Heaven are likely to be very different from on Earth, but pleasure itself depends on novelty and surprise. Paradise can only have meaning if it offers new entertainments throughout eternity. I’m unlikely to find out, but I am curious to know exactly how God plans to amuse those he invites to his party. Many of these objections can be set aside if we assume that there is no time in eternity. But if time does not exist in the afterlife, then neither will we, because consciousness only functions in time. The real problem for believers is that eternity is essentially meaningless. As a concept, it gives philosophers, scientists and theologians endless (of course) fun and challenges, but it has no basis in reality. I promised to return to Buddhism. The Buddha preached that life is suffering and that the cause of suffering is desire. We suffer because we want things we cannot have or because we fear losing the things we do have. If we have no desires, we do not suffer. Unfortunately, desire is an essential element of our personalities. We can only stifle desire and cease suffering when we extinguish our egos – and when the ego no longer exists, our need for reincarnation will disappear. In other words, while Jews, Christians and Muslims believe that a good life leads to eternity, Buddhists believe that a good life is rewarded with extinction. Atheists, of course, know that extinction is inevitable – and many believe that it is a good thing too. We may differ over reincarnation, but Buddhists and atheists at least share the view that eternity would always be Hell, even if it were called Heaven. Quote
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click for THIS WEEK'S COLUMN FOOD FOR THOUGHT "In the Philippines, the Church’s refusal to condone reliable birth control has burdened parents with offspring that they cannot properly feed, clothe or educate. In Africa, the stigmatization of condoms has led to millions of people, including babies, becoming infected with HIV. In the Americas, hostility towards homosexuality underpins bigotry, violence and murder from Wyoming to Rio de Janeiro." In the country of the blind "Why do some people persist in believing that a supernatural being created the universe and the human race? Because creationism is simple and provides easy answers while evolution is complex and appears full of uncertainties. Creationism is for the mentally lazy, evolution for the mentally fit – and most Americans have flabby, underexercised brains." Evolution for beginners (i) "Maybe Noah had some help building the Ark; he may have contracted some of the men on God’s death list. 'No, no… there isn’t going to be a Flood. I just want to give the wife something to look at while she’s washing dishes.' " How did the koala get to Australia? "The United States prides itself on championing freedom and in enshrining the pursuit of happiness in its constitution. It is ironic that so many Americans espouse a moral code whose impact is to restrict both freedom and happiness. America needs moral values, but values that respect and honor every citizen." What moral values? "Maybe Noah had some help building the Ark; he may have contracted some of the men on God’s death list. 'No, no… there isn’t going to be a Flood. I just want to give the wife something to look at while she’s washing dishes.' " How did the koala get to Australia? "In 2002, seven women were ordained priests. Wasn’t that great, especially since the Church has a problem recruiting young men to the priesthood? So what was the Pope’s response to these people who wanted to serve God? He threw up his hands in horror at the fact that the seven had the spiritual, but not the physical, balls to be priests and excommunicated them." Men only "I’ve never liked the terms “pro-life” and “pro-choice” to define the abortion debate. They reduce a complex issue to sound bites that appeal to emotion more than reason and encourage discord rather than discussion." What do you mean, "pro-life"? "Perhaps the strangest aspect for Americans, as their once free nation becomes more and more theocratic, was the fact that God was not mentioned by any party or candidate with a serious chance of winning election." No God, please, we're British |
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