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This website is being renovated throughout 2008. Pages and the content of pages will continue to change until the end of the year and there may be some inconsistencies and missing links. Please do not quote from or link to specific pages (apart from the home page) without contacting the webmaster first. Superuniverses and the Kansas Pope Alternative religions By © Martin Foreman Word Count: 799 words Publication date: May 21, 2006 Let me see if I’ve got this right… There is the Universal Father, the Eternal Son and the Paradise Trinity. Now what about the Supreme Spirits? They include “The Seven Master Spirits of Paradise, The Reflective Spirits of the Superuniverses, the Reflective Spirits of the Superuniverses and The Creative Spirits of the Local Universes.” Okay… I’ll get back to these and the Power Directors who function throughout all organized space. While we’re at it, let’s postpone discussion of the Personalities of the Infinite Spirit, who are not necessarily “Third Source personalities though some of them are unique as will creatures [sic].” And I don’t think I can deal with Messenger Hosts of Space or Ministering Spirits of Time in this particular space or moment of time. How about the Eternal Isle of Paradise? There’s an Upper Paradise, Peripheral Paradise and Nether Paradise. Then I have to learn about Space Respiration, Space Functions of Paradise and gravity in Paradise. Could I take a break? I know we’re only on page xv and there are over 2,000 pages of The Urantia Book still to go. Maybe we can leave The Voices of the Garden and Departure of a Seraphic Transport till tomorrow. Or next week? Next year? Never? Is never good for you? Maybe I’m not cut out to be a follower of Urantia. I could try Scientology. It also links humanity to space, but it has far fewer levels of space and spiritual hierarchies. Seventy-five million years ago, evil galactic warlord Xenu dumped 13.5 trillion beings from 76 planets into volcanoes around Earth, where they were blown up by hydrogen bombs. Thetans - the souls of these aliens – still litter the planet. They survive as parasites on humans, creating all kinds of mischief including false ideas about religion. Only men and women who have paid large sums of money to the Church of Scientology can free themselves from their influence. Not really my cup of tea. Sounds too much like the invention of a second-rate science fiction writer preying on the gullible to get rich. Let’s move on. Mormonism? God was a man on another planet where he was subject to a superior God’s rules. He decided to set up shop on earth with his goddess wife, where they had spirit children, including Jesus and Lucifer. The Garden of Eden was in Missouri. We humans come from and return to the spirit world. If we make the grade, we each become gods ruling over their own little planet. Prerequisites for godhood include paying a tithe (ten percent of your income) to the Mormon Church and mastering various secret handshakes. This news just in! Like all religions, Mormon theology has changed over the years. Polygyny, where men can have lots of wives while women have to share one husband, is no longer politically correct! The ultimate goal of good Mormons may not be to become gods! Coffee and alcohol are still no-nos, but candy is okay! What else have we got? The Maitreya? The World Teacher, once known as Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed etc. He’s back on earth in another incarnation, waiting to be discovered. There’s even a photo of him in Kenya in white robe and full beard looking remarkably like a Revered Spiritual Teacher. How about something closer to home? Catholicism with an American twist? Pope Michael was born David Bawden in Oklahoma in 1959. He currently lives in Kansas and was elected head of the Roman Catholic Church (yes, that Church) in 1990, the first “legitimate” Pope since 1958. Like any good Pope, Michael issues decrees, on such subjects as the ordination of cardinals and the illegitimacy of traditionalist ordinations. In 1995 there was the famous “Decree on the Brown Scapular” which informs the world that “the form of the scapular shall be simple. The scapular shall be made from two pieces simple inexpensive brown cloth, which shall be connected by two bands.” Before you rush to order your Scapular, note that to gain the Sabbatine Privilege, which allows you to wear it with pride, you must practice “Abstinence from sweets, that is from concentrated sugars on Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. That is, no soft drinks, no cakes, candies, etc.” Practitioners must “Also read labels to be sure little or no sugar has been added to other foods prepared.” Expect another decree from His Michaelness shortly, excommunicating Mormons on the grounds of glucose addiction. These are just a few of the many sects that have popped up in the last two hundred years. With the exception of Mormonism, none has gained more than a handful of followers. Next week we’ll examine why some religions thrive while others flounder. Meanwhile, if you’re having difficulty sleeping, I prescribe a bedside copy of The Urantia Book, the most mind-numbing scripture I know.
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If God existed, he would... admire the beauty of a universe that he did not create recognize that eternity is meaningless deny both heaven and hell disown all men and women who speak in his name denounce the harm caused by religious "morality" help the human race to thrive without him If God existed, he would be an atheist. |